Summary of How to Talk to Anyone
“How to Talk to Anyone” by Leil Lowndes is a dynamic and practical guide for mastering the art of human connection. Packed with 92 powerful tips and strategies, this book offers a toolkit for anyone looking to feel confident, charming, and persuasive in social situations—from job interviews and business meetings to parties and personal relationships.
🔑 The book is built around one central truth: **people skills are learnable**. You don’t need to be born charismatic to connect with others deeply—you just need the right approach. Lowndes distills years of psychological insight and real-life experience into digestible techniques you can use immediately.
Each tip is delivered with engaging stories, humor, and actionable advice. Whether it’s your smile, the way you say someone’s name, or how you listen, every small move counts. She reveals how subtle tweaks in body language, tone, timing, and phrasing can dramatically increase your impact and likability.
✨ Here’s what you’ll learn:
– **Make unforgettable first impressions** using smiles, posture, and eye contact.
– **Build rapport instantly** with verbal and non-verbal cues like “The Flooding Smile” or “Sticky Eyes.”
– **Master small talk and big conversations** with techniques like “Parroting” and “The Swiveling Spotlight.”
– **Navigate tricky social moments** like giving compliments, refusing requests, or ending conversations gracefully.
– **Charm everyone from strangers to celebrities**, kids to clients—anyone, anytime, anywhere.
More than just social “hacks,” this book teaches emotional intelligence, presence, and sincerity. You’ll learn to treat people as if they matter—because they do—and in return, they’ll remember and value you.
In short, *How to Talk to Anyone* is not just about talking. It’s about **connecting**. It’s about becoming someone others feel lucky to meet—and excited to meet again.
📚 If you want to stand out in any room, build stronger relationships, and transform how others perceive you—this book is your step-by-step blueprint.
About the Author – Leil Lowndes
Leil Lowndes is a renowned communication expert, speaker, and author known for her engaging, research-backed strategies on human interaction. With decades of experience in the fields of psychology, public speaking, and social dynamics, she has helped millions develop confidence in conversations and relationships. Her books, including How to Talk to Anyone and How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You, are celebrated for their humor, clarity, and practical advice. Lowndes draws from real-life experiences, scientific insights, and personal challenges to teach readers how to connect deeply, influence authentically, and build lasting rapport in any setting.
Let me Explain it Chapter by Chapter for you…
🧩 Part 1: How to Intrigue Everyone Without Saying a Word
✨ Trick 1: The Flooding Smile
📖 Mini-story recap:
Melissa, once a bubbly giggler, transforms into a respected CEO by simply slowing down her smile. Her dad’s advice? A fast smile looks insincere. A warm, delayed one makes people feel it’s meant just for them.
🧠 Mindset shift:
Instead of smiling at everyone instantly, let your smile build like a sunrise—slow and warm. People will see you as more confident, sincere, and special.
✅ Exact instruction:
Look at someone’s face for a moment before smiling. Let it flood slowly over your face, then reach your eyes. Hold eye contact warmly.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Don’t flash instant smiles at strangers.
- Use the “Flooding Smile” when greeting someone.
- Smile slower in professional settings for added credibility.
✨ Trick 2: Sticky Eyes
📖 Mini-story recap:
A deaf woman keeps her eyes glued to the speaker’s face during a seminar—not because she’s impressed, but to read lips. The speaker (Leil) feels so admired, she devotes extra energy to her. That’s the power of focused eye contact.
🧠 Mindset shift:
Looking deeply into someone’s eyes—even after they finish speaking—makes them feel truly seen and respected. It’s magnetic.
✅ Exact instruction:
Imagine warm sticky taffy connecting your eyes to theirs. Even when they stop speaking, don’t look away immediately. Let the “sticky string” stretch slowly before breaking eye contact.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Hold eye contact a second longer than usual.
- Use this in job interviews, dates, or meetings.
- Make people feel they have your full attention.
✨ Trick 3: Epoxy Eyes
📖 Mini-story recap:
A salesman locks eyes not with the speaker in a group, but with the listener he wants to influence. This focused attention confuses and intrigues the listener—it feels like a spotlight of interest.
🧠 Mindset shift:
Staring at someone when someone else is speaking tells them, “I’m more interested in your reaction than the speaker’s words.”
✅ Exact instruction:
While in a group, give most of your gaze to your “target” rather than the speaker. Bounce your glance back occasionally to soften the intensity.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Use Epoxy Eyes sparingly; it’s intense.
- Best used in networking, persuasion, or flirtation.
- Avoid with strangers in public—you might look creepy!
✨ Trick 4: Hang by Your Teeth
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil remembers the grace of the high-wire Wallenda family at the circus: posture tall, heads high, and eyes up. She teaches us to replicate this with a simple visualization.
🧠 Mindset shift:
Posture communicates power before you speak. Carry yourself like you’re already successful—people will treat you that way.
✅ Exact instruction:
Before entering any room, imagine a string or circus bit pulling you up by your teeth. It lifts your head, straightens your spine, and opens your chest.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Visualize this before interviews, presentations, or parties.
- Good posture = good presence.
- Make it a habit at every doorway.
✨ Trick 5: The Big-Baby Pivot
📖 Mini-story recap:
Carla ignores admiring glances at a party—until she greets a child with warmth and openness. Leil urges her to treat the next smiling man like she did little Willie. It works: he approaches, they click, and walk out together.
🧠 Mindset shift:
Treat everyone like they’re a precious little child seeking affection. Your full-body attention makes people feel valued and welcomed.
✅ Exact instruction:
When someone new enters your orbit, pivot your full body toward them. Give a warm smile like they’re the only person in the room. No half-turns or distracted glances.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Give people the “toddler treatment”: smile, face them, acknowledge warmly.
- This is gold for networking, first impressions, and dating.
- Let your body say “You matter.”
✨ Trick 6: Hello Old Friend
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil recalls how imagining strangers as long-lost friends transformed her interactions while traveling in Europe—even without knowing their language. Her body responded with warmth, and others were magnetically drawn to her.
🧠 Mindset shift:
Pretend that everyone you meet is someone you deeply cared for in the past. Your body language will instantly soften, making you naturally friendly, even if you say nothing.
✅ Exact instruction:
As you meet someone, mentally picture them as an old beloved friend you’ve just found after years apart. Don’t say it—just feel it. Your body will show the warmth.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Use this before interviews, meetings, or dates.
- Visualize warmth before you speak.
- Let your face, eyes, and posture do the talking.
✨ Trick 7: Limit the Fidget
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil shares the story of Helen, a headhunter, who instantly spotted deception just by reading body shifts. Even small movements—like eye flickers or crossing legs—betrayed discomfort and reduced credibility.
🧠 Mindset shift:
Excessive motion signals nervousness or dishonesty. To appear 100% credible, you must train your body to stay still and confident when it counts.
✅ Exact instruction:
Keep your hands away from your face. Don’t squirm, rub, scratch, or adjust anything when you’re trying to make a strong impression. Lock into confident stillness.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Practice “statue mode” in mirrors or recordings.
- Be mindful of nervous habits (like scratching or fidgeting).
- Use this in presentations, interviews, or negotiations.
✨ Trick 8: Hans’s Horse Sense
📖 Mini-story recap:
A famous horse named Hans fooled Europe by answering complex questions—because he could read subtle cues from the crowd. Like Hans, Leil urges us to master nonverbal feedback.
🧠 Mindset shift:
People reveal everything through body language. You don’t need to be psychic—just perceptive.
✅ Exact instruction:
As you talk, be on a “dual track.” Express yourself and watch how people react. Are they leaning in? Crossing arms? Smiling? Adjust based on their silent feedback.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Pay attention to facial expressions, posture, hand gestures.
- Don’t ignore when someone pulls back—change approach.
- Let the listener’s reactions guide your next move.
✨ Trick 9: Watch the Scene Before You Make the Scene
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil tells of her friend Richard, who completed a marathon after weeks in bed—not by running, but by visualizing it every day. Just like athletes, visualizing success in conversations before they happen can boost confidence.
🧠 Mindset shift:
Mental rehearsal creates real-world impact. If you see yourself being smooth, confident, and magnetic, your body and words will follow.
✅ Exact instruction:
Before entering a room, visualize walking tall, smiling, and connecting easily. Hear yourself saying the right things. Feel it in your body.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Practice visualization in your car or home before events.
- Use all senses—sight, sound, emotion—to strengthen it.
- Do this especially before high-stakes interactions.
✨ Trick 10: Make a Mood Match
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil recalls a ruined party plan because a grumpy maître d’ didn’t match her upbeat mood. That disconnect turned her joy to frustration—and lost him a big sale.
🧠 Mindset shift:
Great communicators first mirror others’ emotional tone. Talking to someone tired? Don’t blast in with energy. Start where they are.
✅ Exact instruction:
Take a “psychic snapshot” of the person—do they seem upbeat or drained? Match that tone for your first sentence or two. Then gently shift the mood if needed.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Listen before you speak.
- Observe facial expressions, tone, body energy.
- Begin on their level, then guide the mood upward.
✨ Trick 11: Prosaic with Passion
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil once listened to a man at a party who was saying boring things—but with such excitement, his crowd was captivated. Later, Senator Hayakawa connected with strangers through small talk—not by being clever, but by being genuine and warm.
🧠 Mindset shift:
It’s not what you say—it’s how you say it. Even dull phrases become magical when delivered with energy and warmth.
✅ Exact instruction:
Forget witty lines. Open with a smile, a spark in your voice, and ask something simple with enthusiasm.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Say anything except complaints or negativity.
- Deliver even mundane comments with energy.
- Passion and warmth are more important than cleverness.
✨ Trick 12: Always Wear a Whatzit
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil’s friend carries Greek worry beads everywhere. Why? They attract curious strangers. A woman once approached Leil just to ask about the odd antique glasses she wore—and a connection was born.
🧠 Mindset shift:
People want a reason to approach you. Give them one—through what you wear or carry.
✅ Exact instruction:
Wear or carry something visually interesting—a pin, a unique bag, a strange piece of jewelry. That’s your “Whatzit.” It’s an invitation to start a conversation.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Your Whatzit can be bold or subtle—just make it noticeable.
- Don’t wait for people to speak first. Help them break the ice.
- Look for others’ Whatzits to start conversations, too.
✨ Trick 13: Whoozat
📖 Mini-story recap:
You see someone intriguing at a party—but you don’t know them. Instead of freezing up, you ask the host, “Who is that?” Even a small detail like “he skis” becomes your icebreaker.
🧠 Mindset shift:
You don’t need full introductions—just a tiny bit of info to launch a warm approach.
✅ Exact instruction:
Ask the host for a tidbit about the person. Then approach and say, “Susan was just telling me you love to ski. Where do you go?”
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Hosts are gold mines of useful info—tap into it.
- Just one shared interest opens doors.
- Show curiosity, not awkwardness.
✨ Trick 14: Eavesdrop In
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil calls this the “politician’s trick.” At a party, stand near your target group, listen for a keyword, and jump in with “Excuse me, I couldn’t help but overhear…”
🧠 Mindset shift:
Eavesdropping (done respectfully) is a smart entry into conversations—it shows you’re attentive and interested.
✅ Exact instruction:
Listen near a group. As soon as you catch something you can relate to, break in politely and naturally. Then steer the talk toward your intended person.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Confidence is key—people will forgive a short intrusion.
- Don’t linger awkwardly—step in with purpose.
- This works wonders in professional and social settings.
✨ Trick 15: Never the Naked City
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil once froze up when someone said, “I’m from Columbus, Ohio.” That simple answer killed the flow. She realized: give context, not just names.
🧠 Mindset shift:
When asked, “Where are you from?” don’t give a dead-end answer. Share an interesting or funny fact. That makes you memorable.
✅ Exact instruction:
Prepare fun, unique things to say about your hometown. Instead of “I’m from New York,” try, “New York—home of bagels, Broadway, and honking horns at 2 AM!”
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Research your city’s quirks and culture.
- Use different versions based on who you’re speaking to.
- Make your location a springboard, not a conversation killer.
✨ Trick 16: Never the Naked Job
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil recalls dinner parties where guests declared their titles—”I’m a nuclear scientist” or “I’m in industrial abrasives”—then went silent. She felt stuck, unsure how to respond. That’s the danger of “naked job” statements: they kill conversations.
🧠 Mindset shift:
A job title alone isn’t enough. People can’t connect with abstract roles—they need stories, context, or something relatable.
✅ Exact instruction:
Don’t just say “I’m a lawyer.” Add, “I help new businesses stay out of trouble before they even start.” Tailor it to the person you’re talking to.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Always provide a human detail or example.
- Relate your work to something meaningful to the other person.
- Think of it as a conversation-starter, not a label.
✨ Trick 17: Never the Naked Introduction
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil dreaded cocktail parties where she had to make awkward small talk because hosts would introduce people by name only. But when someone added a tidbit—like “John has a beautiful boat” or “Susan edits a gourmet magazine”—the conversation flowed effortlessly.
🧠 Mindset shift:
People need a “hook” to latch onto when meeting someone new. Help them connect faster by adding context.
✅ Exact instruction:
When introducing two people, toss in a fun fact, shared interest, or unique detail to give them a conversation springboard.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Mention their hobby, recent trip, or profession.
- Make introductions a gift, not an obligation.
- You help others shine when you give them a topic.
✨ Trick 18: Be a Word Detective
📖 Mini-story recap:
Nancy struggled to talk with a grumpy nursing home resident—until Leil told her to pick up on a passing comment about plants. The next day, Nancy couldn’t get the lady to stop talking… about gardening, her late husband, and more!
🧠 Mindset shift:
People leak clues about what they care about. Just one word—like “rain,” “dog,” or “arthritis”—can be your golden ticket to a meaningful exchange.
✅ Exact instruction:
Listen carefully for any unusual or emotional word. Ask about it. Dive into that subject and let them lead the way.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Be curious like Sherlock Holmes.
- Let others reveal their passions through casual words.
- People love to talk about what matters to them—give them that chance.
✨ Trick 19: The Swiveling Spotlight
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil met Dan, a man who lived a James Bond-style life—homes around the world, epic adventures—but when he met someone, he never talked about himself. He made them the star, and they walked away thinking he was fascinating.
🧠 Mindset shift:
People feel most alive when talking about themselves. Let them shine, and they’ll associate those good feelings with you.
✅ Exact instruction:
Imagine a spotlight between you. Keep it aimed at the other person. Ask about them, listen intently, and only speak about yourself when asked.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Let curiosity guide your questions.
- Become the “quiet charmer” by being genuinely interested.
- The less you talk, the more others like you.
✨ Trick 20: Parroting
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil was exhausted during a ride home, but when her driver mentioned a play he saw, she simply repeated, “Theater?”—and he lit up. Each time she parroted a phrase, he got more animated, and she barely had to talk at all!
🧠 Mindset shift:
When your brain goes blank or you’re tired, you don’t need a clever comeback. Just echo their last phrase—and let them keep talking.
✅ Exact instruction:
Repeat the last two or three words your conversation partner said, with a warm and questioning tone. Then listen.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Great for tired moments or awkward pauses.
- Works like magic in sales, small talk, or deep conversations.
- People feel heard and encouraged to open up.
✨ Trick 21: Encore!
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil, as a cruise director, faced the daunting task of making quiet ship officers mingle at cocktail parties. Her winning trick? She’d ask them to retell heroic stories they’d shared with her before. As passengers listened wide-eyed, the officers lit up with pride, and the whole room buzzed with energy.
🧠 Mindset shift:
Everyone loves to tell a story where they shine. Asking someone to repeat such a story makes them feel admired and gives them instant confidence.
✅ Exact instruction:
Say, “Tell them about the time you…” This makes people feel important and gets them talking comfortably with new groups.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Keep a mental list of stories others have told you.
- Prompt them to share in group settings.
- It helps you slip away gracefully while they’re happily chatting.
✨ Trick 22: Ac-cen-tu-ate the Pos-i-tive
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil compares sharing secrets too early in a relationship to showing up at a party with your closet skeletons. She warns against revealing too much too soon—it might scare off potential friends or partners.
🧠 Mindset shift:
You don’t need to impress others with your hardships. Lead with positivity. It’s safer and more magnetic.
✅ Exact instruction:
Lock away your personal dramas when meeting someone new. Save the “I used to wet the bed” or “I’ve been divorced three times” for later. Start with smiles, not skeletons.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Avoid self-deprecating stories in early conversations.
- Share uplifting, engaging experiences instead.
- Make people want to know more by staying light at first.
✨ Trick 23: The Latest News… Don’t Leave Home Without It
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil shares a rule from Sidney Biddle Barrows (a famous former madam): all her employees had to read the news before meeting clients. Why? Because 60% of their time was spent chatting!
🧠 Mindset shift:
You wouldn’t dress poorly for a party. So why show up with nothing interesting to say?
✅ Exact instruction:
Before any event, listen to a news broadcast or skim headlines. Be aware of what’s trending to bring up fresh, relevant topics.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Stay current: global events, popular culture, tech, etc.
- Use news as a shared talking point in any crowd.
- Prepare your conversation just like you do your outfit.
✨ Trick 24: What Do You Do—NOT!
📖 Mini-story recap:
At a ritzy party, Leil noticed nobody asked, “What do you do?”—because the high society folks didn’t need to prove themselves. Instead, they asked, “How do you spend most of your time?”
🧠 Mindset shift:
Avoid reducing people to job titles. Ask questions that respect who they are, not just what they do.
✅ Exact instruction:
Say: “How do you spend most of your time?” It sounds classier, more open-ended, and lets people choose what part of their life they want to share.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Avoid “And what do you do?” unless you’re in a business context.
- Use phrasing that invites broader, warmer responses.
- You’ll be perceived as gracious, not nosy.
✨ Trick 25: The Nutshell Résumé
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil met Gloria, a hairdresser, who introduced herself as someone who “helps businesswomen find versatile hairstyles.” This was so relatable that Leil became her client on the spot. Later, she heard Gloria describe herself totally differently to an older woman—tailoring her words perfectly.
🧠 Mindset shift:
Don’t just state your job—paint a picture of how you help others. Customize your response based on your listener.
✅ Exact instruction:
Prepare a few versions of a short, benefit-focused description of your work. Make sure each highlights how your skills help others.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Use storytelling to make your work sound impactful.
- Avoid dry titles—show the human benefit.
- Be flexible and tailor your answer to your audience.
✨ Trick 26: Your Personal Thesaurus
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil recalls how her friend Gary always told her, “You look great,” every time they met. It eventually felt dull—even robotic. But when someone says, “You look stunning” or “ravishing,” it makes an impact.
🧠 Mindset shift:
Big players don’t say nice or wonderful. They say glorious, remarkable, or magnificent. A richer vocabulary makes you seem smarter, more cultured, and more thoughtful.
✅ Exact instruction:
Choose one overused word (like nice, good, or interesting). Look up synonyms in a thesaurus. Try out one new word each day until it feels natural.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Use strong, vivid words when praising or describing.
- Practice your new vocabulary in safe spaces (texts, chats).
- Avoid pretentious words; use those that feel authentic to you.
✨ Trick 27: Kill the Quick “Me Too!”
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil met a woman who gushed about her Washington, D.C. trip. Leil grew up there but said nothing—just listened. Only after the woman finished did Leil mention, “That’s my hometown.” The woman lit up, feeling heard and connected.
🧠 Mindset shift:
When you reveal commonality too quickly, it sounds needy. Letting the other person talk about their passion first creates deeper trust—and then your shared interest becomes a delightful surprise.
✅ Exact instruction:
When someone talks about something you also enjoy—like travel, hobbies, or sports—hold back. Let them share freely. Then, mention your connection near the end.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Practice delayed resonance: listen fully before relating.
- Don’t interrupt with “OMG, me too!”—save it for the perfect moment.
- This makes you appear more confident and charismatic.
✨ Trick 28: Comm-YOU-nication
📖 Mini-story recap:
Lost in San Francisco, Leil asked for directions three times. She finally rephrased her request as, “Could you tell me where the Golden Gate Bridge is?” That did the trick. People became more helpful and engaged.
🧠 Mindset shift:
The most powerful word in conversation? You. It appeals directly to the other person’s ego, attention, and emotions. Make them the focus, not yourself.
✅ Exact instruction:
Start sentences with “You.” Instead of “I’d like to thank you,” say “You’ve been so helpful.” In pitches: “You’ll love this feature” instead of “I think this is great.”
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Replace “I” with “You” wherever possible.
- Sprinkle “you” throughout your conversation like seasoning.
- You’ll seem more generous, attentive, and persuasive.
✨ Trick 29: The Exclusive Smile
📖 Mini-story recap:
A man walked down a cruise ship reception line, flashing the same dazzling smile at everyone. At first, Leil was drawn to him. But as he repeated that identical grin down the line, he became forgettable—a smile robot.
🧠 Mindset shift:
If you smile the same way at everyone, your smile loses value. People crave feeling special—give them a smile that’s just for them.
✅ Exact instruction:
When meeting a group, vary your smile slightly. For someone important to you, give a big, warm, “flooding” smile that feels custom-made.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Practice different kinds of smiles in the mirror.
- Match your smile to the person’s tone or your genuine emotion.
- Make each smile feel personal and sincere.
✨ Trick 30: Don’t Touch a Cliché with a Ten-Foot Pole
📖 Mini-story recap:
At a formal gathering, someone described the night as “fun as a barrel of monkeys.” Everyone cringed. Big players don’t use clichés—they invent their own phrases or speak more creatively.
🧠 Mindset shift:
Clichés make you sound average. Fresh, original language sets you apart as intelligent, thoughtful, and emotionally aware.
✅ Exact instruction:
Pay attention to overused phrases you say: “cute as a button,” “busy as a bee,” etc. Replace them with unique expressions or plain but clear alternatives.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Don’t “sound smart”—be original.
- Replace tired expressions with visual language or real examples.
- If you wouldn’t write it in a poem, don’t say it in conversation.
✨ Trick 31: Use Jawsmith’s Jive
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil shares stories of motivational speakers and broadcasters who capture attention—not just with words, but with how they use them. One radio host, Barry Farber, described nervousness as “an elephant dangling over a cliff with its tail tied to a daisy”—and audiences remembered it.
🧠 Mindset shift:
Your words can move people—if they paint pictures, stir emotions, or tickle funny bones. Everyday talk becomes powerful when you sprinkle in vivid language and well-timed gems.
✅ Exact instruction:
Study great speakers and collect quotes, similes, punchy phrases. Use them in conversation where they naturally fit. Make people stop and smile.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Swap clichés with clever or visual expressions.
- Use silence, pace, and tone to add drama.
- Keep a “verbal treasure chest” to draw from.
✨ Trick 32: Call a Spade a Spade
📖 Mini-story recap:
At a fancy dinner party, a guest nervously tiptoed around “rich” by using the word “wealthy.” Leil explains how “big cats” (confident communicators) use direct language. No euphemisms. They say what they mean with dignity—not dodges.
🧠 Mindset shift:
Avoiding real words like “breasts,” “money,” or “toilet paper” signals insecurity. Big players are precise and unapologetic. They own their language.
✅ Exact instruction:
Use correct, specific words instead of euphemisms—unless politeness or culture demands otherwise. Speak clearly, not cutely.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Avoid softening strong words out of fear.
- Use accurate words with calm confidence.
- Let your language show you’re self-assured.
✨ Trick 33: Trash the Teasing
📖 Mini-story recap:
A woman at a formal dinner giggled and joked that the host “was feeling no pain” after a few drinks. The table went silent—her joke fell flat. Worse, it branded her date as someone with poor taste in company.
🧠 Mindset shift:
Teasing might seem harmless, but at someone else’s expense, it’s toxic. It can hurt, offend, or make others uncomfortable—even when intended as humor.
✅ Exact instruction:
Avoid jokes that poke fun at someone’s appearance, habits, past, or current state. If it feels like a dig, don’t say it.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Never tease in formal or professional settings.
- If unsure whether it’s funny or offensive—leave it unsaid.
- Being classy means building others up, never chipping them down.
✨ Trick 34: It’s the Receiver’s Ball
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil recalls racing to catch a bus, only to be told—with a grin—that it left five minutes ago. She didn’t mind missing the bus, but the cheerful tone stung. The lesson: how you deliver bad news matters more than the news itself.
🧠 Mindset shift:
People don’t get upset by bad news—they get upset by insensitivity. Communicate in the emotional tone your listener needs.
✅ Exact instruction:
Match your emotional delivery to how they will feel, not how you feel. Show empathy, even if the message is neutral to you.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Use a gentle voice, thoughtful eye contact, and patient tone.
- Don’t smile when delivering disappointment.
- Tune into their likely emotion, and echo it.
✨ Trick 35: The Broken Record
📖 Mini-story recap:
At a formal dinner, Barbara calmly handled a nosy colleague asking about her recent separation. Instead of explaining, she simply repeated: “We’ve separated, but the company is unaffected.” Over. And over. Eventually, the interrogator gave up.
🧠 Mindset shift:
When people pry into private matters, you don’t have to explain, defend, or get flustered. Repeating your answer calmly and consistently earns you respect—and peace.
✅ Exact instruction:
Pick one neutral, firm response. Repeat it exactly—same tone, same words—each time they press. Stay calm and polite.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Use this when people cross boundaries.
- Prepare one clear sentence to shut down prying questions.
- Repetition signals confidence without confrontation.
✨ Trick 36: Big Shots Don’t Slobber
📖 Mini-story recap:
At a restaurant, Leil spots Woody Allen. Instead of rushing him for a selfie, she recommends the classier move: a calm smile, a brief nod—and if the moment feels right, a quiet thank-you for the joy his films brought you personally.
🧠 Mindset shift:
True professionals treat celebrities and VIPs with relaxed respect—not fan worship. Praise personally, not professionally.
✅ Exact instruction:
Don’t fawn. Instead say, “Your work gave me so much pleasure.” Refer only to recent work—not long-past glories. Involve their companion too.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Treat celebrities like humans, not trophies.
- Avoid gushing or asking for performances.
- Compliment the impact they had on you, not their résumé.
✨ Trick 37: Never the Naked Thank You
📖 Mini-story recap:
When Leil gets off a flight, she tells the pilot, “Thanks for getting us here.” That tiny addition earns big smiles. Why? Because it’s personal and specific.
🧠 Mindset shift:
A bare “thank you” is invisible. A “thank you for…” shines like gold.
✅ Exact instruction:
Always complete the sentence: “Thank you for…” something specific. E.g., “Thank you for your patience,” or “Thank you for helping me feel welcome.”
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Make your gratitude feel tailor-made.
- Specificity deepens appreciation and bonds.
- Use it in business, love, and friendship alike.
✨ Trick 38: Scramble Therapy
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil introduces two singles: Walter, a white-water rafter, and Rita, a bowler. But since neither had ever tried the other’s sport, the conversation died. That sparked her rule: become a “weekend insider” in many fields.
🧠 Mindset shift:
To talk to anyone, you don’t need expertise—just exposure. Sampling new hobbies makes you a social Swiss Army knife.
✅ Exact instruction:
Once a month, try something new. Go to a lecture, a kite festival, a new sport. You only need one experience to pick up the lingo and a few smart questions.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Rotate your weekends with curiosity.
- Do it not to master, but to mingle.
- Use it to speak the language of any crowd.
✨ Trick 39: Learn a Little Jobbledygook
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil once felt lost among database engineers. She learned two opening questions from a techie—just enough to engage in real conversation. Now she feels confident with any crowd.
🧠 Mindset shift:
Every field has its own “opening serve”—the first question insiders ask each other. Learn just one or two, and you’ll be instantly accepted.
✅ Exact instruction:
Ask someone in that field: “What’s a smart first question I could ask someone in your profession?” Practice asking it with genuine curiosity.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Use insider lingo lightly to sound tuned-in.
- Listen more than you talk—don’t fake expertise.
- This technique works with doctors, artists, engineers, and more.
✨ Trick 40: Bare Their Hot Button
📖 Mini-story recap:
Yamika, nervous to meet American doctors, asks her husband what to say. She learns a few “hot” questions about hospital relationships and nails every interaction. Result: instant popularity.
🧠 Mindset shift:
People have hot issues—passionate topics in their profession. When you tap into those, they light up and open up.
✅ Exact instruction:
Before mingling with a new group, ask someone from that world: “What are people in your field all fired up about lately?” Then steer the conversation there.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Don’t guess—get the buzz from an insider.
- Prepare at least one “hot button” question per group.
- It builds instant connection and credibility.
✨ Trick 41: Read Their Rags
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil once impressed a gardening enthusiast by casually mentioning “ornamentals” and “annuals.” Her secret? She’d read a single issue of Flower and Garden Magazine. The woman invited her to tour her private garden—and later, her company hired Leil as a consultant.
🧠 Mindset shift:
Want to know someone’s world? Read what they read. Their trade magazines, hobby journals, and niche blogs are filled with conversational keys.
✅ Exact instruction:
Before meeting someone in a new field or with a niche interest, skim a magazine or blog related to their hobby or industry. Pick up a few insider terms to use casually in conversation.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Read unfamiliar sections of newspapers regularly.
- Visit magazine stands for niche interest rags.
- You’ll instantly go from outsider to one-of-us.
✨ Trick 42: Clear “Customs”
📖 Mini-story recap:
Geraldine, a speaker, made seven cultural blunders in one short trip to Japan—wearing jeans, mishandling business cards, opening a gift too eagerly, hugging her hosts. She meant well, but missed every cue.
🧠 Mindset shift:
Being polite in your own culture may be rude in another. To win trust globally, learn each country’s hidden rules.
✅ Exact instruction:
Before traveling abroad, study a book or guide on local customs. Learn the correct greetings, gift etiquette, body language, and dos and don’ts.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Learn how to handle business cards in Asia (both hands!).
- Avoid slang, gestures, and jokes until you’re sure they’re safe.
- Respect begins with cultural awareness.
✨ Trick 43: Bluff for Bargains
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil watched her painter friend Iggy morph into a deal-hunter’s coach. He taught her phrases like “no cutting in” and “don’t leave holidays.” These insider terms signaled to other painters: “This client knows the game—don’t mess around.”
🧠 Mindset shift:
Vendors often charge more to those who seem uninformed. Just a few keywords from their world can change the price tag—and the attitude.
✅ Exact instruction:
Learn a few insider terms before negotiating. Say things like “clean job, little prepping” to painters or “finer stone” to jewelers. It shows you’re savvy.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Ask industry insiders for common lingo.
- If no insider available, visit multiple vendors first to learn.
- Speak their language—they’ll drop their prices.
✨ Trick 44: Be a Copyclass
📖 Mini-story recap:
A woman at a casino identified the richest man in the room—not by his clothes, but by the way he moved. “He moves like old money,” she said. Leil learned that rich, classy, casual, or streetwise—all have a rhythm. Match it.
🧠 Mindset shift:
People trust others who move, speak, and carry themselves like them. Mirror not just body language, but style.
✅ Exact instruction:
Observe how someone moves—fluid or stiff, fast or slow, classy or cool. Subtly match their style in movement and manner.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- In business: match your tone to your client’s.
- In casual settings: reflect the vibe, not mimic.
- Move like you belong—and you will.
✨ Trick 45: Echoing
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil once watched two Italians from the same town reunite in a restaurant. They instantly clicked, spoke their dialect, and became like family. That’s the power of “speaking someone’s language”—literally or figuratively.
🧠 Mindset shift:
People love those who sound like them. Use their exact words and phrases to create instant connection.
✅ Exact instruction:
Listen closely to the words people use. Do they say “toddler” or “little one”? “Workout” or “training”? Reflect those words back when you speak.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Use their vocabulary, not yours.
- This creates the illusion of shared background or values.
- It works in sales, friendship, and even flirting.
✨ Trick 46: Potent Imaging
📖 Mini-story recap:
At a networking event, a woman described her dream vacation: “White sand under my feet, waves tickling my toes, a mango smoothie in hand…” Everyone leaned in, mesmerized. Why? She painted a vivid picture with words.
🧠 Mindset shift:
Abstract talk is forgettable. But sensory language—touch, taste, sight—pulls people into your story and makes your message stick.
✅ Exact instruction:
When telling stories, use words that engage the senses. Replace “It was nice” with “The wind cooled my cheeks like ice cream on a hot day.”
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Use visual, tactile, emotional cues in storytelling.
- Paint scenes people can feel.
- Great for pitches, dates, or bonding conversations.
✨ Trick 47: Emotional Repetition
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil heard a woman say, “It was so peaceful. So peaceful.” That second repetition hit differently—everyone felt the depth of the moment. It wasn’t a speech—it was real emotion.
🧠 Mindset shift:
Repeating emotionally charged words helps others feel what you felt. It adds impact without exaggeration.
✅ Exact instruction:
When expressing strong emotions, softly repeat the key word: “I was terrified. Absolutely terrified.” Let your tone do the work.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Use repetition to show—not tell—emotion.
- Works in personal stories or dramatic moments.
- Subtle and effective—don’t overuse it.
✨ Trick 48: The Nudgy Nod
📖 Mini-story recap:
A friend once shared something deeply personal. Leil simply nodded slowly, silently, holding eye contact. That gentle nonverbal gesture gave the friend permission to keep going—and they opened up even more.
🧠 Mindset shift:
You don’t always need words. A well-timed, slow nod tells someone “I hear you” better than any phrase.
✅ Exact instruction:
As someone shares something important or emotional, nod slowly—once, twice. Keep eye contact. Stay silent unless they pause.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Use in emotionally rich conversations.
- Combine with soft facial expressions.
- It signals presence, not pressure.
✨ Trick 49: The Premature “We”
📖 Mini-story recap:
While chatting with a stranger about travel, Leil said, “We travelers always end up chasing sunsets.” The man beamed—suddenly, they were part of the same tribe. One word—we—changed everything.
🧠 Mindset shift:
Use “we” early in a conversation to suggest closeness. It plants the idea that you and I are already connected—even if you just met.
✅ Exact instruction:
Slip in a “we” that suggests shared identity. “We dog lovers,” “We East Coasters,” “We crazy coffee addicts.” It creates instant bonding.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Be subtle; don’t overdo it.
- Works beautifully in networking, dating, and team building.
- It builds a bridge from “stranger” to “same tribe.”
✨ Trick 50: Instant History
📖 Mini-story recap:
After a great date, Leil didn’t want it to end. Instead of asking “Can I see you again?” she said, “Remember that amazing place we had coffee?” It became a shared memory—and made a second meeting inevitable.
🧠 Mindset shift:
Creating shared experiences—even small ones—binds people together. Talking about them like a memory deepens the emotional glue.
✅ Exact instruction:
Refer to something you just did together as if it’s already a cherished shared past. “That was fun, wasn’t it?” “Remember how good that song was?”
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Great at the end of a conversation, date, or event.
- Use shared laughter or surprise moments as anchors.
- People stay connected to those they share memories with.
✨ Trick 51: The Killer Compliment
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil once saw her friend Christine swooning over a man she barely met. Why? He told her she had beautiful teeth. Christine was still smiling in the mirror hours later, brushing and admiring them like never before.
🧠 Mindset shift:
Generic compliments like “nice tie” are forgettable. A Killer Compliment—one that’s personal, specific, and unusual—makes you unforgettable.
✅ Exact instruction:
Compliment something meaningful and specific: “Your voice is so calming,” or “You have such thoughtful posture.” Deliver it privately for maximum impact.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Avoid obvious or overused praise.
- Watch their reaction to know it landed—watch for the smile that lingers.
- Give one killer compliment per new connection—it leaves a lasting imprint.
✨ Trick 52: Carrier Pigeon of Good Feelings
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil encourages us to be messengers of happiness. Instead of saying, “They liked your speech,” say, “John told me your speech made him rethink everything.” The result? A deeper emotional payoff.
🧠 Mindset shift:
Be the delivery service for positive gossip. People remember—and treasure—the person who brings them good news.
✅ Exact instruction:
When someone says something nice about someone else, pass it on—with enthusiasm and specificity.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Spread compliments like confetti—but always with a name attached.
- People associate you with the good feelings you deliver.
- Makes you look thoughtful, connected, and generous.
✨ Trick 53: The Accidental Admiration
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil recalls hearing a man say to another, “I’ve always admired the way you handle criticism… wait, I probably shouldn’t have said that out loud.” That moment—unguarded and real—created deep respect.
🧠 Mindset shift:
Intentional flattery feels staged. But admiration that slips out feels genuine and hits harder.
✅ Exact instruction:
Let praise “escape” casually. Say things like, “I probably shouldn’t say this, but I really admire how you handled that client.” Then change the subject.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Practice subtle delivery with a touch of humility.
- Use this on bosses, mentors, or people you respect.
- It feels more real because it doesn’t feel planned.
✨ Trick 54: The Undercover Complimenter
📖 Mini-story recap:
Instead of complimenting someone directly, Leil suggests telling their friend, colleague, or spouse. When the message gets back to them, the impact doubles.
🧠 Mindset shift:
Praise that comes through a third party feels more honest—because it’s not given for attention or flattery.
✅ Exact instruction:
Say to a mutual contact: “I was really impressed by how she ran the meeting today.” Trust that it will make its way back.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Use this method especially in professional settings.
- It builds your credibility and theirs at once.
- It also encourages stronger networks and alliances.
✨ Trick 55: The Killer Compliment (Advanced)
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil watches her seminar participants light up when strangers compliment them on small, unique traits—like their “trustworthy eyes” or “calm energy.” These compliments stick for years.
🧠 Mindset shift:
A killer compliment makes someone feel seen, admired, and special in a way they’ve never been told before.
✅ Exact instruction:
Focus on specific physical or personality traits that are overlooked—hands, voice tone, how someone makes decisions. Deliver it sincerely, and one-on-one.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Choose timing wisely—too early feels fake, too late misses impact.
- Don’t give killer compliments in groups (others feel excluded).
- Use sparingly for true impact—once per new person max.
✨ Trick 56: Little Strokes
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil recalls a touching moment when a child cried, asking her mother, “Wasn’t I a good girl today?”—because she hadn’t heard a single compliment all day, only corrections. That moment opened her eyes: adults aren’t much different.
🧠 Mindset shift:
Even the smallest affirmations can nourish relationships. Don’t wait for grand accomplishments to praise someone. Notice—and say—the little things.
✅ Exact instruction:
Catch people “doing something right.” Praise their tone, their patience, their consistency—even once. Tiny strokes build strong bonds.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Compliment loved ones daily—especially for the things they do consistently.
- Use specifics: “I noticed how gently you spoke to her today.”
- In teams or relationships, a few words can shift the emotional climate.
✨ Trick 57: The Knee-Jerk “Wow!”
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil remembers complimenting a man’s pen. He said, “It’s a Mont Blanc,” and her response—“Wow, that’s a beautiful pen”—stuck with him so much, he referenced it days later. Her spontaneous admiration made him feel special.
🧠 Mindset shift:
A sudden, sincere “Wow!” when someone shares something personal or proud amplifies the emotional impact of the moment.
✅ Exact instruction:
When someone shows you something they care about—a project, object, or story—respond with a knee-jerk “Wow!” Let your surprise and admiration show instantly.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Don’t fake it—only react that way when truly impressed.
- Tone and timing matter more than the words.
- This creates a “highlight moment” for them to remember.
✨ Trick 58: Boomerang Compliments
📖 Mini-story recap:
At a party, someone complimented Leil’s outfit. Instead of saying “thank you” and ending it, she replied, “You’ve got a great eye—most people wouldn’t notice the details.” The compliment boomeranged—lifting both people.
🧠 Mindset shift:
Return compliments by praising the giver’s perception. It doubles the emotional payoff and makes you both feel good.
✅ Exact instruction:
When someone compliments you, respond with something like, “Thank you. That means a lot coming from someone as stylish as you.”
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Avoid one-word thank-yous; expand the moment.
- Boomerang the compliment back without deflecting it.
- Acknowledge both the praise and the praiser.
✨ Trick 59: The Tombstone Game
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil once asked a group, “What do you want written on your tombstone?” The answers varied—“He was loyal,” “She inspired me,” “He made people laugh.” This game revealed what mattered most to each person.
🧠 Mindset shift:
People want to be seen for who they hope to be. When you speak to that identity, they feel valued and deeply understood.
✅ Exact instruction:
Ask: “What would you want your tombstone to say?” Then subtly affirm those traits in future conversations: “You really do make people laugh!”
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Listen for people’s aspirational identities.
- Speak to their best self—not just their current self.
- They’ll remember you as someone who saw them.
✨ Trick 60: Call a Spade a Spade (But Lovingly)
📖 Mini-story recap:
A couple was in therapy. The wife said, “You never say you love me unless I ask.” The husband replied, “I thought you knew.” The therapist explained: love needs to be spoken, not assumed.
🧠 Mindset shift:
Unspoken love can fade. Expressing admiration, affection, and appreciation in words keeps emotional connections strong and healthy.
✅ Exact instruction:
Don’t just feel love—say it. Say “I admire your dedication.” “I’m proud of you.” “I love your sense of humor.” Speak it out loud.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Don’t wait for a “special moment” to express affection.
- Be specific with praise in personal relationships.
- Even old love needs new words to stay alive.
✨ Trick 61: Name Shower
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil describes how a simple act—saying someone’s name often during a phone call—can reel them back into the moment. One distracted executive snapped to attention the instant he heard, “Steve, what do you think?”
🧠 Mindset shift:
Names are personal and powerful, especially over the phone. They simulate the closeness of eye contact in face-to-face conversation.
✅ Exact instruction:
Use their name more often in phone conversations than in person. It re-creates a sense of emotional presence.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Sprinkle their name in naturally: “That’s a good question, Maya.”
- It shows attentiveness and warms the interaction.
- Use it to refocus attention if they seem distracted.
✨ Trick 62: Talk to the Kids First
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil recalls chatting with a stranger’s child before greeting the parent. The result? Instant trust. The adult warmed up because she respected the little one first.
🧠 Mindset shift:
Children are people too. Acknowledging them first shows emotional intelligence and humility—and earns the parent’s admiration.
✅ Exact instruction:
Greet and engage a stranger’s child before turning to the adult. Even a quick smile or compliment does wonders.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Say, “Hey there, cool shoes!” or “That’s a brave teddy bear.”
- Make eye contact and smile warmly.
- Parents instantly feel you’re kind, trustworthy, and genuine.
✨ Trick 63: Make Them Want to Carry Your Photo in Their Wallet
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil tells of someone who made a casual acquaintance feel like an old friend just by noticing her unique bracelet and asking its story. It turned into a 45-minute heart-to-heart conversation.
🧠 Mindset shift:
To be unforgettable, don’t try to impress—care. Take real interest in what matters to the other person.
✅ Exact instruction:
Ask questions that show you noticed something special: “That pendant—what’s the story behind it?” Follow up with empathy.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Look for personal details—clothing, expressions, tone.
- Ask open-ended questions that invite emotion.
- You’ll stand out as someone who truly sees them.
✨ Trick 64: The Verbal Résumé
📖 Mini-story recap:
When someone asks, “What do you do?” Leil advises not just saying, “I’m an accountant.” One woman said, “I help people make peace with their taxes.” Now that’s a conversation-starter!
🧠 Mindset shift:
Your job title isn’t who you are. Frame it in a way that’s memorable and beneficial to the listener.
✅ Exact instruction:
Turn your profession into a “benefit statement.” For example, “I help families find their dream homes” instead of “I’m a real estate agent.”
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Think: “How does my work improve others’ lives?”
- Adjust your pitch based on who’s asking.
- Add personality and passion to your answer.
✨ Trick 65: What Color Is Your Time?
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil shares how her friend Barry asks, “What color is your time?” when he calls. Red means rushed, yellow means short, green means go. People love this respectful habit—and adopt it too.
🧠 Mindset shift:
Respecting someone’s time is the ultimate courtesy. It builds instant goodwill and smoother conversations.
✅ Exact instruction:
Begin calls by asking: “Is this a good time?” Or try Barry’s version: “What color is your time—red, yellow, or green?”
🔑 Pointers for action:
- You come off as respectful and self-aware.
- It reduces friction and increases receptiveness.
- They’ll appreciate you before you even say why you’re calling.
✨ Trick 66: Impress Everyone with Your Outgoing Voicemail
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil needed to hire a graphic artist. She liked “Mark’s” portfolio, but when she called, his voicemail screamed heavy metal music with a rapping message. She hung up immediately and never called back.
🧠 Mindset shift:
Your voicemail is your invisible handshake. If it sounds chaotic, lazy, or unprofessional, people will assume you are too.
✅ Exact instruction:
Record a friendly, professional, up-to-date message. Better yet, change it daily with relevant info like, “Hi, it’s Wednesday, June 18. I’ll return your call after 5.”
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Keep it short, warm, and neutral.
- Avoid jokes, slang, or background noise.
- People judge you before you even call them back
- .
✨ Trick 67: Salute the Secretary (or Spouse!)
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil emphasizes how often the “gatekeeper”—a secretary, receptionist, or spouse—has major influence. Treating them poorly can silently sabotage your chances with the VIP.
🧠 Mindset shift:
Those who answer the phone often shape who gets through. Win their respect, and they’ll open doors for you.
✅ Exact instruction:
Always greet and engage warmly with whoever answers the phone or door. Learn their name, use it, and show genuine interest.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Ask how they are doing.
- Never act like they’re “just the assistant.”
- Build bridges—they’re often holding the keys
- .
✨ Trick 68: The Ho-Hum Caper
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil shares a clever trick: instead of formally asking, “Can I speak to Ms. Bigshot?” just say, “Hi, it’s Bob. Is she in?” It sounds casual—like you’re already an insider.
🧠 Mindset shift:
The more relaxed and familiar you sound, the more people assume you’re important.
✅ Exact instruction:
When calling a gatekeeper, use “he” or “she” as if you’re on familiar terms: “Is she in?” This often gets you past barriers.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Combine this with a friendly tone—no arrogance.
- Practice sounding casual, not sneaky.
- Familiarity (when faked subtly) breeds access
- .
✨ Trick 69: Eyeball-Selling Sensitivity
📖 Mini-story recap:
Salesman Jimmi doesn’t just talk to customers—he reads them. If arms are crossed, he hands them something. If their eyes drift, he switches topics. He calls this magic “Eyeball Selling.”
🧠 Mindset shift:
People are always communicating, even silently. Your success depends on tuning into what their body says, not just their words.
✅ Exact instruction:
Watch gestures, posture, eye direction. Adjust your pitch based on their non-verbal cues. If they fidget or shift, it’s time to pivot.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Learn basic body language cues.
- Shift your topic, tone, or pace based on reactions.
- This isn’t just for sales—it’s for any persuasive conversation
✨ Trick 70: How to Make Them Feel Like a Million Bucks
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil recalls how someone complimented her in a way that made her feel like royalty. Not just on her appearance, but on her impact. It stuck with her for years.
🧠 Mindset shift:
People rarely forget how you made them feel. Compliments that reflect their essence—not just surface traits—are priceless.
✅ Exact instruction:
Offer compliments that reflect their character, contributions, or lasting effect. “You have a presence that makes people feel calm,” goes much farther than “Nice shoes.”
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Choose moments when they need a lift.
- Deliver it with quiet sincerity.
- Be generous—one kind line can echo forever
✨ Trick 71: Be a Politician at Parties
📖 Mini-story recap:
Imagine a high-level diplomat entering a cocktail party. Do they head straight for the snack table? Nope. They enter slowly, scan the room, and make deliberate choices. That’s how connection begins—with intent.
🧠 Mindset shift:
Parties aren’t just for fun—they’re for forming social capital. To build connection, don’t rush. Survey your surroundings first.
✅ Exact instruction:
When you arrive at an event, pause dramatically in the doorway. Slowly scan the room. Observe where the energy is before making your move.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Don’t cling to the first familiar face.
- Use that pause to spot ideal people to approach.
- Enter with confident purpose, not as a wallflower
✨ Trick 72: Rubberneck the Room
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil compares your entrance to that of a movie star. Picture Bette Davis in a doorway—she owned the moment. The same trick can work for you.
🧠 Mindset shift:
Your entrance sets your social tone. Pausing with awareness and curiosity projects confidence and charm.
✅ Exact instruction:
When you walk into a room, stop and rubberneck—scan slowly like a curious panther. Let your body language say “I belong here.”
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Own your space before moving.
- Let your eyes do a slow sweep.
- Act like you’re there to choose, not be chosen
- .
✨ Trick 73: Be the Chooser, Not the Choosee
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil watched people at a conference scan the room anxiously, hoping someone would talk to them. The most magnetic ones? They chose who they approached with quiet confidence.
🧠 Mindset shift:
Approach others like you’re the host. People are more drawn to those who initiate with presence.
✅ Exact instruction:
Mentally list your top three people to meet. Walk toward one with intention. Don’t wait to be picked—do the picking.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Be proactive but not pushy.
- Start with eye contact, then a smile, then speak.
- This small shift in mindset boosts charisma instantly
✨ Trick 74: Come-Hither Hands
📖 Mini-story recap:
At a social event, Leil noticed the confident ones stood with open arms and relaxed hands. The stiff, crossed-arm crowd? They got ignored. Like cats, people are drawn to open palms.
🧠 Mindset shift:
Your hands speak volumes before your mouth opens. Palms up says “Welcome!” Fists or crossed arms say “Stay away.”
✅ Exact instruction:
Keep your arms uncrossed, hands relaxed, and palms occasionally visible. Use subtle gestures that invite connection.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Avoid holding drinks with both hands.
- Don’t hide your hands in pockets.
- Open body = open vibe = more conversations
✨ Trick 75: Tracking
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil once ran into her old editor, who was obsessed with her kitten “Cookie.” She said, “Cookie must be a full-grown cat now, right?” The woman lit up like Christmas—Leil remembered! That bond reopened doors.
🧠 Mindset shift:
People love when you recall small details about them. It says: “You matter.”
✅ Exact instruction:
Note down personal facts people mention (kids, pets, vacations). Mention them next time: “How’s your trip to Paris coming along?”
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Use a note app or contact list for memory cues.
- Mention past details like they’re headline news.
- This makes people feel seen—and cherished
✨ Trick 76: The Business Card Dossier
📖 Mini-story recap:
At a political event, Leil met a man named Joe who scribbled something on the back of her business card. Later, she received a handwritten note from him that said, “Had any good Sancerre lately?”—referencing her favorite wine. That tiny gesture made her feel seen and unforgettable.
🧠 Mindset shift:
Remembering details about others—even small ones—creates a sense of intimacy and admiration that makes you stand out.
✅ Exact instruction:
After meeting someone, jot down a few notes on the back of their business card: hobbies, drinks, family details, phrases. Use those later in follow-up messages.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Mention something specific in your next conversation.
- They’ll wonder, “How did you remember that?”
- It builds loyalty, warmth, and trust
✨ Trick 77: Eyeball Selling
📖 Mini-story recap:
Jimmi, a master salesperson, didn’t just pitch—he watched. During meetings, he’d read his client’s body language to know when to pivot, slow down, or press forward. He once opened with a confusing joke just to see who the group turned to for clarity—that’s how he found the real decision-maker.
🧠 Mindset shift:
People always reveal more with their bodies than their words. Watch their eyes, hands, and posture to guide your responses.
✅ Exact instruction:
Look for micro-signals: shifting, fidgeting, eye movement. Match their energy. Adjust your pace and message accordingly.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Be more attentive to what they do than what they say.
- Train yourself to notice discomfort or interest instantly.
- This is gold in sales, pitches, or even job interviews
✨ Trick 78: Kill the Quick “Me, Too!”
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil warns of a common pitfall: someone says, “I love sailing,” and you instantly blurt, “Me too!”—then shift the convo to your experience. The speaker now feels unheard.
🧠 Mindset shift:
Instead of jumping in, let them bask in their story. Ask questions. Be curious, not competitive.
✅ Exact instruction:
When someone shares something about themselves, pause. Respond with questions or admiration before sharing your own version.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Avoid the urge to “top” their story.
- Let them feel like the star.
- You’ll actually be more memorable for being interested, not interesting
✨ Trick 79: Be the VIP’s Equal
📖 Mini-story recap:
A woman once gushed over a celebrity’s old movie—only to be brushed off. Why? The star didn’t want to feel like a has-been. Instead, Leil suggests acting like a peer, not a fan.
🧠 Mindset shift:
VIPs want to be treated like people, not pedestals. Compliment their recent work and engage them in meaningful conversation.
✅ Exact instruction:
Say something like, “Your last piece really moved me.” Then shift to something current or personal: “What’s your next adventure?”
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Don’t ask for autographs or retell their old hits.
- Include their companion in the conversation.
- You’ll earn respect instead of fanfare
✨ Trick 80: Play the Tombstone Game (Again!)
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil revisits the tombstone trick with a new twist: use it with strangers to guess what matters most to them. Then slowly affirm those values during conversation. It’s like unlocking someone’s core in minutes.
🧠 Mindset shift:
When you understand someone’s essence, you speak to their soul. That’s how strangers become friends—fast.
✅ Exact instruction:
Ask subtle legacy questions like “What would you want people to say about you?” or “What do you hope your impact is?” Use what they say to guide the rest of the conversation.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Use this in deeper networking or emotional settings.
- Speak their legacy back to them, authentically.
- It builds bonds that stick far beyond the conversation
✨ Trick 81: See No Bloopers, Hear No Bloopers
📖 Mini-story recap:
At a fancy dinner, someone pronounced “hors d’oeuvres” as “horse doovers.” Embarrassed, she looked around. Everyone laughed—except one guest, who simply smiled and kept the conversation going. That person became her favorite for the night.
🧠 Mindset shift:
When someone makes a social or verbal mistake, don’t spotlight it. Ignore it graciously to save their dignity and build warmth.
✅ Exact instruction:
If someone mispronounces, spills, or stumbles—glide right over it. Pretend it didn’t happen. This shows emotional intelligence and compassion.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Redirect focus immediately with a gentle change in topic.
- Never mimic, tease, or correct—unless asked.
- It’s not just polite—it builds loyalty and deepens rapport
✨ Trick 82: Lend a Helping Tongue
📖 Mini-story recap:
During a group chat, one woman struggled to recall an actor’s name. “You know, the guy from The Matrix…” Another gently added, “Keanu Reeves?” The moment turned warm—not because of the answer, but the kindness in the assist.
🧠 Mindset shift:
Helping someone find their words makes them feel supported, not silly. You become their conversational safety net.
✅ Exact instruction:
Offer missing words tactfully: “Do you mean…?” or “Was it…?” Make your tone light and collaborative—not superior.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Look for moments to gently rescue, not hijack.
- Smile while you help—it’s not a quiz show.
- People remember who saved them from awkwardness
✨ Trick 83: Bare the Phrase, Not the Soul
📖 Mini-story recap:
Someone once told Leil, “You know, I love your books. They helped me through a breakup.” It wasn’t a long speech—but the emotion in that short sentence had a big impact.
🧠 Mindset shift:
Short, sincere expressions of emotion are more powerful than lengthy confessions. Less is often more.
✅ Exact instruction:
Say things like, “That meant a lot,” “I’ll never forget that,” or “You really helped me.” Then let it linger. Silence adds depth.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Don’t flood the moment with explanations.
- Let powerful words breathe.
- Short and sincere hits the heart deeper than long and rambling
✨ Trick 84: The Broken Record
📖 Mini-story recap:
When someone asked Leil’s friend too many personal questions about her recent divorce, she calmly repeated: “We’ve separated, but the company is unaffected.” Same words. Same tone. Every time. Eventually, the nosy guest gave up.
🧠 Mindset shift:
You don’t owe anyone answers you’re not ready to give. Repeating the same polite response shows strength without confrontation.
✅ Exact instruction:
Choose a respectful phrase. Repeat it verbatim with the same tone if pressed. Don’t change your words or voice.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Practice your “broken record” response ahead of time.
- Stay calm. Smile. Repeat.
- You don’t need to justify your boundaries. Just hold them
✨ Trick 85: The Big-Baby Pivot
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil once had to end a long-winded phone call. She didn’t say, “I have to go.” Instead, she gently pivoted: “Before I let you go, I want to say I really enjoyed hearing about your project.” The other person left feeling appreciated, not cut off.
🧠 Mindset shift:
End conversations on a high. Let the other person feel like they’re choosing to leave—and that you valued the interaction.
✅ Exact instruction:
Use phrases like: “Before I let you go…” or “One last thing before we hang up…” Then transition.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Avoid abrupt goodbyes. Grace is remembered.
- Let the exit be soft, warm, and affirming.
- You close the door without making them feel pushed out
✨ Trick 86: My Goof, Your Gain
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil once broke a client’s vase during a visit. Though she patched it up with glue, she later sent a beautiful replacement with roses. The client was delighted—and kept doing business with her.
🧠 Mindset shift:
When you make a mistake, don’t just fix it—overdeliver. Turn your slip-up into a spotlight moment of generosity.
✅ Exact instruction:
Apologize sincerely, then add something valuable—extra service, a gift, or unexpected appreciation. Make their inconvenience feel worth it.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Mistakes are PR opportunities in disguise.
- A meaningful gesture fixes more than words can.
- They’ll remember how you made them feel, not just the error
✨ Trick 87: Echo the Emo
📖 Mini-story recap:
After a customer had a bad experience with a product she recommended, Leil was irate. But the rep soothed her not with facts, but emotion: “I’m so sorry we caused you this pain.” That calmed her immediately.
🧠 Mindset shift:
People in distress want empathy first, logic later. Validate their feelings before offering solutions.
✅ Exact instruction:
Mirror their emotion first: “You must be so frustrated.” Then offer help: “Let’s fix this together.”
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Focus on the feeling behind their words.
- Don’t rush to defend or explain—feel first, fix second.
- This builds trust in tense moments
✨ Trick 88: Never the Naked Thank You
📖 Mini-story recap:
After a flight, Leil thanked the pilots with, “Thanks for getting us here.” Their reaction? Overjoyed. Why? Because she personalized the praise.
🧠 Mindset shift:
A plain “thank you” often goes unheard. Add a reason to make it land with impact.
✅ Exact instruction:
Say, “Thank you for your patience,” “Thanks for your support,” or “Thank you for staying late.” Be specific.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Dress your gratitude in meaning.
- “Thank you” + “for what” = unforgettable.
- Great for personal and professional relationships alike
✨ Trick 89: Leave an Escape Hatch
📖 Mini-story recap:
A Toronto drugstore once caught a shoplifter. But instead of blasting an alarm, a calm voice said, “We failed to deactivate the inventory tag.” No drama. No shame. Just class.
🧠 Mindset shift:
When someone messes up—especially in a public or delicate setting—give them dignity. Don’t corner; offer a way out.
✅ Exact instruction:
Say things like, “Maybe I miscommunicated,” or “It’s probably just a mix-up.” This allows them to save face and still cooperate.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Don’t escalate. Defuse.
- This doesn’t mean excusing wrongdoing—just handling it tactfully.
- Especially helpful in leadership or sensitive social dynamics
✨ Trick 90: Buttercup Boost
📖 Mini-story recap:
At Staples, Leil once praised a manager in advance for service not yet delivered. The result? Job done early, plus VIP treatment ever since. She coined it the “Buttercup Letter” method.
🧠 Mindset shift:
A premature compliment—genuine and hopeful—can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. People rise to praise that’s already been given.
✅ Exact instruction:
Tell someone: “I’m sure you’ll do an amazing job on this—I’d love to tell your supervisor how helpful you’ve been.”
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Use this in service situations to get stellar support.
- Makes the recipient want to exceed expectations.
- Bonus: they’ll likely remember you forever
✨ Trick 91: Lead the Listeners
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil tells how the most respected people in any crowd are often the first to clap or respond positively—not because they’re sycophants, but because they lead energy. At a corporate presentation, the “first applauder” was noticed by the CEO—and later promoted.
🧠 Mindset shift:
People in power notice who supports them. Leaders respond to leadership—especially the subtle kind that starts with a clap or a nod.
✅ Exact instruction:
Be the first to applaud, smile, or nod in agreement—especially if you genuinely support what’s being said. It shows initiative and presence.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Don’t wait for others to validate your reactions.
- Show active support early—leaders will notice.
- Your first clap might be your next career break
✨ Trick 92: Make All the Right Moves
📖 Mini-story recap:
Leil wraps it all up by reminding us of a basic truth: success isn’t reserved for the smartest or best-looking. It belongs to those who master human connection. One woman she coached tripled her network—and income—just by practicing five of the book’s tricks consistently.
🧠 Mindset shift:
Charm, influence, and connection are learnable. Every “people skill” you build becomes a step on the ladder of success.
✅ Exact instruction:
Review your strongest and weakest social tricks. Practice one each day. Focus not on who you are, but on how you connect.
🔑 Pointers for action:
- Treat each social interaction as a chance to level up.
- Choose one trick from the book and test it daily.
- Your magic is in your method, not your memory
🌟 Final Recap: Mastering the 92 Tricks
Leil Lowndes’ masterpiece reminds us: we’re not born charismatic—we learn to connect. Whether it’s:
- The Flooding Smile,
- The Big-Baby Pivot,
- The Whatzit, or
- The Verbal Resume,
Every trick is a tool to build trust, inspire warmth, and open doors to deeper connection.
✅ Your Final Action Plan:
- Pick 5 tricks you’ll practice this week.
- Journal how each affects your interactions.
- Notice the shifts in responses, opportunities, and energy.