đ§ Book Summary
What to Say When You Talk to Your Self by Shad Helmstetter
What if the most important conversation of your life is the one youâre already havingâŚwith yourself?
In this groundbreaking and life-altering book, Shad Helmstetter reveals the hidden force shaping your success, happiness, confidence, health, relationships, and potentialâyour self-talk. Itâs not just background chatter. Itâs the script your brain follows. Most of us are running on automatic programmingâinstalled by parents, schools, media, and repetition. And shockingly, up to 77% of that programming is negative.
This book offers a powerful alternative: conscious, intentional, word-for-word self-talk that rewires your brain from the inside out.
Helmstetter walks you through how thoughts become beliefs, which shape attitudes, influence feelings, lead to actions, and ultimately create your results. Itâs not about luck, motivation, or willpowerâitâs about replacing the old mental scripts holding you back with new ones that tell your brain exactly what to do.
Youâll learn:
- The 5 Levels of Self-Talkâand how to move from destructive to empowering dialogue.
- The Self-Management Sequence that shows how thoughts directly shape your life.
- Why positive thinking and motivation alone donât workâand what does.
- The five simple methods to start using self-talk daily (even silently or on-the-go).
- How to write your own personal scripts for confidence, habits, goals, and more.
- How to use Situational Self-Talkâreal-time rewiring in moments of doubt, stress, or fear.
Whether you want to stop procrastinating, lose weight, grow a business, build confidence, or simply feel more in control of your dayâthis book gives you the tool to make it happen.
Itâs simple. Itâs science-based. And it works.
If youâre tired of knowing what to do but not doing it⌠this book is the missing link between knowledge and change. Read it once, and youâll never speak to yourself the same way again.
đ¤ About the Author
Dr. Shad Helmstetter is a pioneering behavioral researcher and best-selling author of over 20 books in the field of personal growth. Known as the father of âSelf-Talk,â his work has helped millions understand how language programs the brain. With a Ph.D. in motivational psychology, he has appeared on over 1200 radio and television programs, including Oprah Winfrey. Helmstetterâs work focuses on empowering people to take control of their thoughts, habits, and destiny through the science of neuroplasticity and positive self-direction. His books are used in corporate training, schools, counseling, and by individuals worldwide seeking lasting personal change.
Let me Explain it Chapter by Chapter for youâŚ
CHAPTER ONE: Looking for a Better Way
đ Mini-story Recap
Shad Helmstetter takes us on a personal journeyâfrom dreaming under the stars as a boy to being drowned in the âshouldsâ and âcannotsâ of adult life. As he rose through corporate and academic corridors, he began asking the big question: Why arenât people living the fulfilling lives they deserveâeven when they try hard? That single question led to a two-decade quest, ending in a powerful realization: Our internal programming is the root of our success or failure.
đ§ Key Insight / Mindset Shift
You are not brokenâyour programming is.
Most people fail not because they lack talent, effort, or desire, but because theyâve been programmedâunknowingly and repeatedlyâwith limitations. Our thoughts shape our identity, and our identity shapes our actions.
â
Exact Instructions Tim Gives (Practical Steps)
Though Tim (Shad) doesnât give structured steps here, he seeds the first powerful lesson:
- Acknowledge the Wall: Recognize that youâve been programmed with tens of thousands of negative messages (âNo!â ~148,000 times by age 18).
- Reconnect with Possibility: Recall the childlike wonder before the world taught you limits.
- Challenge the Myth: Motivation and self-help ideas fail not because theyâre wrongâbut because they donât match how the brain works.
đ Pointers for Action
- âď¸ Write down 3 negative beliefs youâve carried for years (âIâm not good with moneyâ, âI canât speak in publicâ, etc.).
- đ§ Reflect: Who or what planted those beliefs? Are they true, or just repeated enough to feel true?
- đ Begin observing your inner voice. Are you encouraging or tearing yourself down?
- đĄ Realize: Changing your life starts with changing what you say to yourself.
CHAPTER TWO: The âAnswersâ
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Helmstetter humorously recounts his lifelong search through the self-help worldâbooks, seminars, gurusâall promising success, happiness, and transformation. The answers were everywhere: Think positive! Set goals! Be motivated! Yet something was missing. People would get excited for a while, then drift back to their old habits. The spark would fade. Helmstetter realized it wasnât because the answers were wrongâitâs because they didnât stick.
đ§ Key Insight / Mindset Shift
Great advice doesnât work unless it matches how your brain is wired.
You can hear the best speech, read the most inspiring bookâbut if your brain is still running an old program, it will override every new insight.
â
Exact Instructions Tim Gives (Practical Steps)
No formal âstepsâ yet, but strong groundwork is laid:
- Donât rely on external motivation â Itâs temporary.
- Recognize repetition beats inspiration â You need consistent input, not one-time hype.
- Understand your mind is programmable â Like a computer, it runs based on its coding.
đ Pointers for Action
- đ Donât chase new books for instant fixesâreprogram the mind first.
- âł Ask: What success advice have I heard 100 times but never made stick? Thatâs a clue your internal script is misaligned.
- đŹ Be skeptical of âpep rallyâ solutions. If it fades in a few days, it wasnât rewiring your mindâjust hyping it up temporarily.
- đ Begin seeing yourself as a programmerânot a passive reader. Your job is not just to consume motivation, but to install it repeatedly.
CHAPTER THREE: What Works and What Doesnât
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Helmstetter reveals the critical realization that not all motivational strategies are built to last. Many sound inspiring but fizzle out because they donât align with how our brain actually operates. He compares these strategies to âgreat ideasâ that wear offâunless reinforced properly.
đ§ Key Insight / Mindset Shift
The brain needs specific instructions, not just feel-good slogans.
Your brain isnât impressed by vague positivityâit responds only to consistent, structured, and word-for-word directions. It does what you tell it, over and over.
â Exact Instructions Tim Gives (Practical Steps)
- Recognize the 3 missing ingredients from most motivation tools:
- Permanence: Lack of long-term stickiness.
- Brain understanding: Most methods ignore how the brain is wired.
- Precise language: No one gives you the exact words to replace your programming.
- Introduce a method that replaces old mental tapesâthis method is Self-Talk.
đ Pointers for Action
- đ§Š Notice which motivational techniques in your life worked only temporarily.
- đ§ Understand: your brain craves specific, repeatable programming.
- đŁď¸ Ask yourself: âWhat am I telling myself all day long?â
CHAPTER FOUR: New Discoveries
đ Mini-story Recap
Imagine your brain as a personal computerâwith a screen, a keyboard, and a floppy disk. Everything you input gets stored in your subconscious, and it runs your life based on that stored code. What you display to the world is only the result of what youâve fed into the system.
đ§ Key Insight / Mindset Shift
Your subconscious is your programming disk. Change whatâs recorded, and your life will follow.
Weâre not stuck. Like a computer, we can erase and reprogram. The subconscious doesnât care what you put inâit simply acts on it.
â Exact Instructions Tim Gives (Practical Steps)
- Think of your 5 senses as the keyboard to your brain.
- Your subconscious is the diskâwhatever you tell it sticks until overwritten.
- Most of your behavior today is due to old, unchecked programming.
đ Pointers for Action
- đĽ Think of one area in your life where youâre âunderperforming.â Whatâs the old code running?
- đž Start considering your daily words, feelings, and self-talk as keyboard entries into your brain.
- đ§˝ Realize: You can erase what doesnât serve you.
CHAPTER FIVE: We Learn to Believe
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Helmstetter shares a powerful story from childhoodârejected from the school band, then overhearing the teacher say he had âno musical talent.â That one statement shaped his belief for decades. Meanwhile, a child named Michael overheard someone say he was creativeâand went on to become a top creative professional. One comment programmed two different destinies.
đ§ Key Insight / Mindset Shift
Beliefs are not factsâtheyâre programmed impressions we accepted as truth.
We were too young to evaluate them, so we believed what we heard. And now we live by those beliefs, unaware we can rewrite them.
â Exact Instructions Tim Gives (Practical Steps)
- Acknowledge that many of your beliefs were installed by othersâteachers, parents, peers.
- Understand you can now consciously choose what to believe about yourself.
đ Pointers for Action
- đ List 3 beliefs about yourself you may have inherited (âIâm not creative,â âIâm shy,â âI canât leadâ).
- đ§ Ask: Whose voice was that originally? Was it really yours?
- âď¸ Write the opposite belief as a positive statement.
CHAPTER SIX: The Wall
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We all live behind a wallâan invisible barrier built from 148,000 negative messages by age 18. Helmstetter calls it The Wall, and it filters everything new through our old beliefs. A new idea canât break through unless thereâs room for it to âstickâ to an old positive belief.
đ§ Key Insight / Mindset Shift
You canât build a new life on old bricks.
Every new thought you have must connect with something already stored in your brain. If your internal filing system is filled with failure and fear, new ideas wonât survive.
â Exact Instructions Tim Gives (Practical Steps)
- Understand that your self-talk creates your mental filing cabinets.
- Repeatedly telling yourself somethingâeven a lieâmakes it your âtruth.â
- To break through the wall, you must change your base programming.
đ Pointers for Action
- đ§ą Identify the âwallâ in your life. What patterns always stop you?
- đ§ Begin reprogramming through daily self-talk (more on that in coming chapters).
- đ Know that the wall isnât realâitâs a reflection of what youâve been told.
CHAPTER SEVEN: Passing It On
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The way we were spoken to as children is how we now speak to ourselvesâand pass on to others. Helmstetter lists common phrases parents say without realizing theyâre damaging: âYouâll never be good at that,â âYouâre so lazy,â âWhy canât you be more like your sister?ââthese become the childâs lifelong self-image.
đ§ Key Insight / Mindset Shift
Every word you say to othersâespecially childrenâis either programming success or failure.
Youâre either reinforcing possibility or reinforcing limitation.
â Exact Instructions Tim Gives (Practical Steps)
- Recognize the self-talk you inherited and are now passing on.
- Begin speaking to yourself and others with constructive, empowering words.
đ Pointers for Action
- đś Be mindful of how you speak to children (and yourself).
- đŁ Replace harsh corrections with statements like: âYouâre learning,â âYouâll get better at this,â âYou can improve.â
- â Interrupt negative phrases mid-thought. Say, âWaitâlet me say that differently.â
CHAPTER EIGHT: The Self-Management Sequence
đ Mini-story Recap
Imagine success not as luck or fateâbut as a chain reaction that you set off. Helmstetter introduces the idea that our resultsâgood or badâarenât random. They come from a specific five-step chain that begins inside your mind and ends in action.
đ§ Key Insight / Mindset Shift
You donât get what you wantâyou get what you do, and what you do is driven by what you think.
Understanding the 5-step sequence is like discovering the source code of your life.
â
Exact Instructions Tim Gives (Practical Steps)
The Self-Management Sequence:
- Programming creates
- Beliefs, which shape
- Attitudes, which drive
- Feelings, which lead to
- Behavior, which produces Results.
đ Pointers for Action
- đ§ Audit your current beliefs: What beliefs lead to your current outcomes?
- đ Trace backward: What feeling, attitude, or belief led to your last major decision?
- âď¸ Begin changing at the source: Start with reprogramming through self-talk.
CHAPTER NINE: The Five Levels of Self-Talk
đ Mini-story Recap
Helmstetter takes us deep into the architecture of self-talk. He breaks it into five levelsâsome toxic, some transformational. Level I sabotages you, while Level V connects you with the divine. Most of us live in Levels I & II without realizing it.
đ§ Key Insight / Mindset Shift
Self-talk isnât just background chatterâitâs your lifeâs operating system.
And youâre in control of the code. Mastering the levels means you can rewrite your reality.
â
Exact Instructions Tim Gives (Practical Steps)
Here are the 5 Levels of Self-Talk:
- Negative Acceptance: âI canâtâŚâ, âIâm just notâŚâ, âIâll neverâŚâ
- Recognition & Need to Change: âI need toâŚâ, âI shouldâŚâ, âI ought toâŚâ
- Decision to Change: âI neverâŚâ, âI no longerâŚâ
- Better You Statements: âI amâŚâ, âI canâŚâ, âI choose toâŚâ
- Universal Affirmation: âIt isâŚâ, aligned with purpose/spirit.
đ Pointers for Action
- đ Stop using Level I & II. Immediately reframe them.
- đ§ Create Level IIIâIV affirmations for daily use.
- đż Use Level V if youâre on a spiritual questâbut focus on Level IIIâIV for change.
CHAPTER TEN: The Problem with Positive Thinking
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Youâve heard the slogans: âJust stay positive!â But Helmstetter calls it outâpositive thinking is like wallpaper over rotting walls if you havenât reprogrammed your subconscious. Without the right words, itâs doomed to fade.
đ§ Key Insight / Mindset Shift
You canât out-positive your old programming.
Thinking âpositiveâ doesnât work unless the subconscious believes it too.
â Exact Instructions Tim Gives (Practical Steps)
- Donât stop at âthinking positively.â
- Use Self-Talk with exact, word-for-word scripts that align with what you want.
- Your brain needs directions, not just declarations.
đ Pointers for Action
- đ Write 5 Self-Talk phrases that begin with âI amâŚâ and align with your desired identity.
- đĄ Think of positive thinking as a toolânot a solution. Install it with the right script.
- đ§ Your subconscious needs specific messagesânot vague optimism.
CHAPTER ELEVEN: The Motivation Myth
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Helmstetter shares a radio interview where he shocks the host by saying, âI donât believe in motivation.â He explains: most motivation is like Chinese foodâit feels great for a while, then youâre hungry again. Real change needs more than hype.
đ§ Key Insight / Mindset Shift
External motivation fades. Internal programming stays.
Donât rely on motivational highsâbuild inner systems that work when no oneâs watching.
â Exact Instructions Tim Gives (Practical Steps)
- Recognize the emptiness of external hypeâpep talks donât last.
- Build internal motivation through daily self-talk habits.
- Become your own coach. Depend on yourself, not others, for momentum.
đ Pointers for Action
- đ§ Ask: What motivates me right nowâand does it last?
- đ§ Replace temporary âpumpsâ with structured Self-Talk routines.
- đŁ Speak to yourself the way a great coach would. Consistently.
CHAPTER TWELVE: Not HypnosisâNot Subliminal
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People often ask Helmstetter: âIs self-talk just hypnosis?â He says itâs the opposite. Hypnosis gives away control. Self-talk puts it back in your hands. Unlike subliminal messages, self-talk is done consciouslyâduring your normal, waking hours.
đ§ Key Insight / Mindset Shift
You donât need trance states or hidden messages to rewire your lifeâyou just need the right words and repetition.
Responsibility is the core difference.
â Exact Instructions Tim Gives (Practical Steps)
- Use conscious, deliberate self-talkâitâs safer and more sustainable than hypnosis.
- Stay alert and responsibleâyou choose your programming.
đ Pointers for Action
- đ§ Choose conscious self-direction over subconscious manipulation.
- đŁ Repeat Self-Talk during alert moments: while walking, driving, or getting ready.
- đŻ Focus on clarity and controlânot mysterious techniques.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN: If It Isnât Simple, It Wonât Work
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Helmstetter shares a hard truth: People are overwhelmed. We try techniques that are âbrilliantâ but too complicated. He confesses heâs tried the sameâbooks and ideas that were too hard to apply. The lesson? Simplicity is not lazinessâitâs the only doorway to lasting change.
đ§ Key Insight / Mindset Shift
Complexity kills consistency. If itâs too hard to do, you wonât do it.
To change your life, you need something that fits naturally into it.
â Exact Instructions Tim Gives (Practical Steps)
- Only choose self-improvement tools that are easy to start and sustain.
- Use simple, clear self-talk phrases. Donât overcomplicate.
đ Pointers for Action
- đ§š Cut out any self-help method that feels like a chore.
- đ§ Focus on small shifts in thinkingâtiny words with lasting power.
- đŹ Build your self-talk library one sentence at a time.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN: The New Techniques
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Helmstetter introduces five ways to use Self-Talkâeach easy and flexible. Think of them as tools in your mental toolbox, and choose the one that fits your moment.
đ§ Key Insight / Mindset Shift
Self-Talk doesnât need to be fancy or forcedâjust present, practiced, and positive.
The more ways you use it, the more deeply it programs your mind.
â
Exact Instructions Tim Gives (Practical Steps)
Five Self-Talk Methods:
- Silent Self-Talk â Inner monologue you rewire consciously.
- Self-Talk Statements â Repeated phrases said aloud or in writing.
- Recorded Self-Talk â Listening to your own pre-recorded affirmations.
- Written Self-Talk â Journaling and scripting new thoughts.
- Repetition â All techniques depend on consistent repetition.
đ Pointers for Action
- đ§ Record yourself saying 10 positive statements and play daily.
- đ Write 5 statements and read them each morning.
- đŁ Say your affirmations while walking or driving.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN: Whatever Your Need or Position in Life
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From truck drivers to CEOs, homemakers to high-schoolers, Self-Talk works for all. Helmstetter emphasizes: this tool is universal. Whatever your challengeâconfidence, creativity, disciplineâSelf-Talk adapts.
đ§ Key Insight / Mindset Shift
Your background doesnât matterâyour programming does.
Anyone can grow, lead, and succeed with the right internal voice.
â Exact Instructions Tim Gives (Practical Steps)
- Start where you areâpick a problem or goal.
- Write down a Self-Talk script around that one area.
- Repeat it until it becomes second nature.
đ Pointers for Action
- đŻ Focus your first Self-Talk effort on your top personal pain point.
- đź Managers: use Self-Talk to improve leadership and influence.
- đŞ Parents: model Self-Talk for your children.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN: Changing Habits
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Helmstetter discusses everyday habitsâprocrastination, smoking, oversleepingâand shows how these are just old scripts playing on loop. The good news? Theyâre replaceable.
đ§ Key Insight / Mindset Shift
Habits are not âyouââtheyâre just repeated programming.
And every habit can be overwritten by a better mental code.
â Exact Instructions Tim Gives (Practical Steps)
- Pick one minor habit to start.
- Identify the self-talk youâve been using to maintain it.
- Create a new habit-changing script in present tense.
- Repeat it daily until your actions follow.
đ Pointers for Action
- đ§ Sample phrase: âI am focused and get things done right away.â
- đ Replace âI canât help itâ with âI now take control of this area of my life.â
- đ Use recordings and affirmations to reinforce the new habit.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: Changing Attitudes
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A shift in attitude changes everythingâschool grades, performance, energy. Yet we often try to âfixâ attitudes with bribes or lectures. It doesnât work. Helmstetter explains: attitudes come from beliefs, and beliefs come from programming.
đ§ Key Insight / Mindset Shift
You canât force a better attitudeâyou must program one.
Change your beliefs about yourself, and your attitude changes naturally.
â Exact Instructions Tim Gives (Practical Steps)
- Identify the attitude you want to improve.
- Replace underlying negative beliefs with positive self-talk.
- Be consistentâattitude change comes from repetition, not events.
đ Pointers for Action
- đŹ Avoid telling others to âfix their attitudeââmodel the shift instead.
- âď¸ Use Self-Talk like: âI face every day with energy and optimism.â
- đ§ Remember: You are your attitudeâand your attitude is you.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: Solving Problems and Accomplishing Goals
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Helmstetter draws a brilliant parallelâproblems and goals are two sides of the same coin. Your brain doesnât distinguish between âI want to lose weightâ and âI want to solve this challenge at work.â It just listens to the instructions you give it. And Self-Talk is the GPS.
đ§ Key Insight / Mindset Shift
Problems and goals are just labels. To your brain, theyâre both tasksâand it will follow your programming to address either.
â Exact Instructions Tim Gives (Practical Steps)
- Stop overthinking problemsâapproach them like you would any goal.
- Use Self-Talk that affirms:
- âI solve problems easily.â
- âEvery problem carries its own solution.â
- âI enjoy solving challenges.â
đ Pointers for Action
- đ§ Reprogram how you view problemsâas growth, not enemies.
- đ Write Self-Talk specifically about conquering challenges.
- đ Say them daily, especially during moments of stress.
CHAPTER NINETEEN: Internal Motivation
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Imagine going to a motivational seminarâfeeling inspired, unstoppableâonly to fizzle out days later. Helmstetter explains why: that was external motivation. What lasts is internal motivation, and Self-Talk is how you build it.
đ§ Key Insight / Mindset Shift
Real motivation doesnât come from outside. It must be programmed from within.
â Exact Instructions Tim Gives (Practical Steps)
- Identify your core emotional driversâlove, fear, joy, pride.
- Use Self-Talk to activate those drivers on command.
- e.g. âI am driven. I am focused. I do what matters most today.â
- Build your own emotional fuelânot borrowed energy.
đ Pointers for Action
- đĽ Find your own reasonsânot someone elseâs applause.
- đ§ Speak to your inner self like a trusted coach.
- đ§ Remember: Only internal motivation lasts.
CHAPTER TWENTY: Situational Self-Talk
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Helmstetter shares relatable momentsâlike dreading a phone call, or traffic stressâand shows how a few seconds of self-talk can completely redirect your response. No script needed, just quick, intentional words.
đ§ Key Insight / Mindset Shift
A single sentence said in the right moment can change your whole day.
â Exact Instructions Tim Gives (Practical Steps)
- Use real-time Self-Talk for stressful or resistance-prone moments.
- Use flexible tenses: âIâm going to enjoy this meeting.â
- Apply to anything: chores, traffic, hard conversations.
đ Pointers for Action
- đŁ Try saying, âI always face problems head-on. Iâve got this.â
- đ Prepare a few go-to phrases for daily situations.
- đŚ Use Self-Talk while driving, waiting, or making decisions.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE: Getting Started
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Helmstetter describes 3 types of people after reading this book:
A. The Action-Takers
B. The Casual Users
C. The Forgetters
Which one will you be?
đ§ Key Insight / Mindset Shift
Information doesnât change livesâimplementation does.
â Exact Instructions Tim Gives (Practical Steps)
- Pick one Self-Talk technique: silent, written, or recorded.
- Start with 3â5 key phrases and repeat them daily.
- Be consistent. Reprogramming takes repetition over time.
đ Pointers for Action
- đ Set a daily Self-Talk ritual (morning or night).
- đ Start small: 2 minutes a day is enough to rewire your mind.
- đĄ Begin now. Not later. Not perfect. Just begin.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO: Creating Your Own Self-Talk
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You donât need a guruâyou need a mirror and a pen. Helmstetter guides you to create personalized scripts, based on what you want to change. Itâs like building your own mental success playlist.
đ§ Key Insight / Mindset Shift
You are the author of your mind. Your words are your tools.
â Exact Instructions Tim Gives (Practical Steps)
- Choose a focus: confidence, weight, habits, stress, money, etc.
- Write your Self-Talk in present tense, positively framed.
- Keep it simple, specific, and emotionally true to you.
đ Pointers for Action
- đ Use: âI am becoming more confident every day.â
- đ§ Record yourself and listen while walking or working.
- đ Build a library of scripts by topic (health, work, mood).
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE: To Change or Not to Change
đ Mini-story Recap
Helmstetter closes with a powerful challenge: You now have the tools. You know your brain listens. You know Self-Talk works. The question is no longer âDoes it work?â but âWill you use it?â
đ§ Key Insight / Mindset Shift
The decision to change is the greatest power you will ever hold.
â Exact Instructions Tim Gives (Practical Steps)
- Decide: Do I want to keep living by default or design?
- Begin using Self-Talk daily. Even one sentence is a start.
- Revisit and refine your scripts over time.
đ Pointers for Action
- đ§ Choose now: Which area of your life needs a new program?
- đ Repetition is your friend. Use it like brushing your teeth.
- đ§ Self-Talk is not a trickâitâs your personal tool for freedom.
â
FINAL TAKEAWAY
Self-Talk is not hype. Itâs habit. Itâs rewiring. Itâs choosing your thoughts on purpose. You are already talking to yourselfânow itâs time to say the right things.